“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”, 35. People always say that life shouldn’t be boring. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms, 50. Don’t judge a book by its cover. “People that pay for things never complain. “What are the proper proportions of a maxim? Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either. Good judgment comes from experience. I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?”. 46. It is hitting below the intellect.” –Oscar Wilde. “Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”, 14. I can’t force you to be right; My Level of Sarcasm Has Gotten to the Point to Where I Don’t Even Know if I’m Kidding or Not; Me: Goodnight. 101. You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? “I’m not listening, but keep talking. 188. 22. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”, 69. “One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.” – Kurt Vonnegut, 74. 61. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. About the author. 5 out of 5 stars (434) 434 reviews $ 3.99. “This is the best day ever!” you say. 21. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please.” – Will Rogers, 46. 44. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. For a circle. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. 116. Funny Shit Haha Funny Funny Jokes Funny Sarcastic That's Hilarious Hilarious Quotes Fun Funny Funny Stuff Sarcastic Quotes About Friends. “Light travels faster than sound. Things could get dangerous. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.” – Will Rogers, 56. I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk. And experience? 161. Abracadabra! MEGA OOF. 16. - Steven Wright 2. 141. “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein, 17. I haven’t found her yet. 220. Forgive and forget? 211. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. We find ourselves using sarcastic quotes or remarks usually when we deal with our friends and family members. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about. 178. I don’t know how to accept compliments. Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. 1.7k. “It’s weird, marriage. Yeah, I don’t have that. If I promise to miss you, will you go away? He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better. “Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”, 31. 145. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”, 3. Sometimes it takes a while to come up with wisecracks, so to give you a little boost of creativity to unleash your sardonic wit, here are some truly sarcastic quotes that are equal parts wise and hilarious. Remember when I asked for your opinion? 92. Some studies on the use of sarcasm show that most people find, sarcasm to be more effective and condemning. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. 15 Strong Woman Poems To Ignite Your Inner Fire Oh. Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today? 23. We hope you have fun reading them! “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”, 25. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. My attitude in exams. A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.” – Mark Twain, 52. 105. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. “What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera ” – Aldous Huxley, 24. When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. 125. Neighbors and relatives are enough. Ever wish to be honest without hurting somebody’s feelings? You are about as useful as a white crayon. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Sarcasm is weird. Last Updated on July 22, 2020. Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”. My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”, 39. The sassiest comments can be the best mottos, reminding us to live whimsically and unapologetically. Listen, I’m a nice person. sarcasm quotes. 156. Find your patience before I lose mine. My alone time is sometimes for your safety. So thanks, suck a d..ck or whatever. 120. 147. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”, 33. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. 121. “Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” – (Sign in Albert Einstein’s Office), 13. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”, 63. Luvze® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Go play in traffic. I have “Oh for f..ck’s sake, f..ck this shit” moments. 139. Be the reason someone smiles today. We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Don’t argue with fools, because people from a distance can’t tell which one is you. Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does. 129. Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus. Where are the torrid fantasies? Oct 8, 2020 - Explore Cookie's board "Best sarcastic quotes" on Pinterest. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 175. We give you the ultimate list of sarcastic quotes, quoted by some famous people, and some anonymous authors. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”, 83. Nice try though. Would you like an award for that? Of course, I talk to myself. I am trying to help you.” “Go to hell.” “I already exist on a level of hell.” “Exist on one that … Additionally, Luvze.com participates in various other affiliate programs, and we sometimes get a commission through purchases made through our links. 150. 107. That alone should scare you. If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you? “Silence is golden. But not a fool. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! 47. Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today. I ignored you just fine the first time. Sarcastic Quotes. Enjoy the sarcasm day with these best sarcastic quotes and sayings. Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Life & Success “Today […] Of course, experts on communication and psychology advise people not to rely on sarcasm as it is often the cause of conflicts and misunderstandings. So act like it. because it conveys both thoughts and emotions. I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter. Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs. 7. Keep rolling your eyes. 91. 99. “I’m sorry. Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. Not all motivational quotes come from the greatest writers and the most inspirational books of all time. DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could. You decide to go for a run with a friend and accidentally trip on your shoelace and fall into a puddle. 27. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it. I’m going to hell in so many different religions. Here we share 38 funny sarcastic joke motivational quotes for you Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”. 131. Or maybe Dr. House? 229. You have no one to blame but yourself. Some of these were so funny I forgot to laugh. 107. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”, 37. They give me questions I don’t know. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Revenge is beneath me. “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”, 8. I am a nice person. Sarcastic Quotes. © 2021 Inspirationfeed. … Read More... about Participate in Research. 109. Life will be more fun to live! There are weekly meetings at the corner of F..ck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd. Oh, you hate me? I give them answers they don’t know. Now Quotes Life Quotes Love True Quotes Great Quotes Quotes To Live By Motivational Quotes Inspirational Quotes Karma Quotes Quotes … Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel. Grammar. “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Murphy’s Laws, 22. There were some good ones… And if you’re offended by the foul language… Tough shit!!! Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back. 219. If there is anything that can mock the lamb out of a wolf, it is sarcasm. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”, 27. Read more funny quotes! Join the club! Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it. When you think sarcasm, who comes to mind? Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you. I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka. 28. It’s not an act. What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think? My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues. Your email address will not be published. A webpage full of best, funny, sarcastic quotes with images. « We use it as a way of dealing with issues in relationships, in decision making, and in life in general. “A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” – Fred Allen, 95. “Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working at our office.”, 86. Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Then I suggest you quit finding me.” “If anything can go wrong, it will.” – Murphy’s Laws, 18. Sometimes, saying things sarcastically can be more effective than saying things literally. 62. In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it. Duct tape is silver. Some people use these type of language to give an impression that they do not give an importance to others while talking. I barely take suggestions. See more ideas about sarcastic quotes, quotes, sarcastic. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright, 2. It’s my face that needs deliverance. 98. 1. I don’t hate you. 50. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." Accidents, however, will happen. Are you looking for the best sarcastic quotes?If you want to know why sarcasm has now become a meaningful way to express one’s feelings, Look no further! Good morning world! “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”, 7. Congratulations! I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus. Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end. “Don’t worry about what people think. “That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”, 90. 31. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm. Controlling my tongue is no problem. I’m 97% sure you don’t like me but I’m 100% sure I don’t care. My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me. 197. Sometimes I need expert advice. Could you at least start using lubricant? It’s easier to express our feelings to other people by being sarcastic. You are about as useful as a white crayon. Whatever works. Me: Obviously not enough. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts. 151. Need money for college. Sometimes, saying things sarcastically can be more effective than saying things literally. “I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.”, 66. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist. 226. Resting b..tch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be a part of. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. From shop kre8tivehandzshop. 183. That’s one thing about a little education. 17. But when i do, I’m probably at work.”, 72. Sesame Street smart. Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed! I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter. Saved by Carrie Artigue. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”, 71. If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever.. 52. 78. My friends are so much cooler than yours. 148. Well rack your brains no more! The romance covers?” – Cassandra Clare, 80. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”, 87. ” – Murphy’s Laws 37. “I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”, 62. People ask me, “Why are you single? Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. 206. Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways. 87. Aubrey Plaza I had shoes like those once. His hope and aim is to inspire people around the world to live the best life they can imagine. 43. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. 3. 216. “Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”, 101. “ If anything can go wrong, it will. Watch me pretend to care! Some studies on the use of sarcasm show that most people find sarcasm to be more effective and condemning because it conveys both thoughts and emotions. "When people ask me stupid… 72. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.