how to ask someone for help

Ask for permission first. For example, maybe you’ve recently had surgery and need a lot of help just getting things done. Could you help me? This article was co-authored by Laurel Schwartz, MSW. verb. ; This isn't complex, but let's look at it in action. “Mom, I just need to be alone today before the memorial service. - Where do you need to have help? This link will open in a new window. If you know you are struggling, make an appointment with your doctor, and tell them what has been going on. Recognize that you may be interrupting them, then ask about a good time to talk. First, know what symptoms you are looking for. - A request without context can imply that the other person is obliged to do something for you. Prepare a list of specific questions that you have for them. Watch and determine whether the person you are asking for help is free or not. This article has been viewed 243,557 times. This article has been viewed 243,557 times. When you meet someone you’re interested in working for, talk to them in person if you can and let them know that you’re eager and ready to work with them. This is called delegating tasks. People generally like to see themselves as useful, and are often willing to take action when asked. Any true friends won't judge you for being unsure. “Through the very act of asking people, I connected with them. Ask a friend. , ask friends and family. Asking for help can be uncomfortable, and people want to avoid the embarrassment of rejection, so they say nothing. and not a vague plea for job search help. What can I do? Usually it’s used when what you’re asking doesn’t require a huge amount of effort from the person that you’re asking for help. Could you give me a hand? “I’m so sorry to ask you for this, Heidi, but I could really use your help with this assignment. Whether it’s refusing to ask for directions or powering through a tough assignment at work, Americans have a very individualistic mindset when it comes to our own problems. When asking for help, clearly state your need in a positive, self-confident way. Not only can you understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin, but the process can seem less intimidating. Your loved ones will want to pitch in but may not know where you need help the most. Maybe you feel embarrassed or scared that you’ll be turned down. Express how grateful you are and ask if there's anything you can do for her in return. It is important to see beforehand that the person is free to help you. If your professor stayed after class to go over your paper with you, say, “Thanks for staying. Your loved ones will want to pitch in but may not know where you need help the most. Most people want to be helpful, and a person is less likely to turn you away when you ask this question directly. Signs Your Loved One is in a Bad Place Emotionally. Maybe you’re a new parent overwhelmed by keeping the house in order. Remain calm, and be sure to explain your situation thoroughly. The following steps will unpack the process of asking for help. Can you take a message if someone calls or stops over?”, “Julie, I feel so frazzled and have so much to do after Dad died. If you’re close to somebody connected to the company — be it a friend, family member or former colleague — you’re in luck. Many of us want to look strong and capable, and asking for help often gets mistaken for a sign of weakness. plead. I’ll order a pizza, and we can watch the game together.”, “I’ve been working extra shifts lately, and my house is a nightmare. Can you help me sort through some things in my storage room? - Why did you choose them to help you? ; Struggle - What specifically is stopping you from achieving your desired outcome. Make it easy to ask for and give help by setting the tone, norms, and practices in your work environment. Make a list of what you need. How can I ask for help if I think the person will be very angry? Everyone needs help once in a while. Before you ask for help, clarify what you need. Support wikiHow by You need help from someone and you are going to ask for help. Be Brief and Clear: Your message should have a specific request (e.g., "I'm looking for leads on jobs at tech companies in the tri-state area.") However, you’ll be better prepared to ask for help if you can clearly articulate your needs. You may feel vulnerable speaking up for help, but a certain degree of vulnerability can help you find the help you need. I am having a problem with ____. If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. I want to make a difference and I need help with signs, dog walking, fundraisers, and finding homes for the dogs. Instead of saying to your partner, “I need you to help more around the house,” you may say, “Could you please take the trash out and also do a load of laundry, please?”, Don’t tell your co-worker, “I’m so swamped! If you need help, you need help. Could you lend me a hand?It’s a casual, relaxed way to ask for help. Chances are someone will be happy to give you the help you need! And when you … Mention their expertise, a referral, or your personal connection. Once you figure out what you need, you can make a polite and organized request. If you’re lost, ask for directions. You could even send your helper a gift or a card to express your gratitude. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a9\/Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a9\/Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c5\/Ask-for-Help-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c5\/Ask-for-Help-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/be\/Ask-for-Help-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/be\/Ask-for-Help-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Ask-for-Help-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Ask-for-Help-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7e\/Ask-for-Help-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7e\/Ask-for-Help-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/83\/Ask-for-Help-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/83\/Ask-for-Help-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Ask-for-Help-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Ask-for-Help-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/Ask-for-Help-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/Ask-for-Help-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Ask-for-Help-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Ask-for-Help-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2d\/Ask-for-Help-Step-10-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-10-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2d\/Ask-for-Help-Step-10-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-10-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/97\/Ask-for-Help-Step-11-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-11-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/97\/Ask-for-Help-Step-11-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-11-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/98\/Ask-for-Help-Step-12-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-12-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/98\/Ask-for-Help-Step-12-Version-3.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-12-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Ask-for-Help-Step-13.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-13.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Ask-for-Help-Step-13.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-13.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6a\/Ask-for-Help-Step-14.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-14.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6a\/Ask-for-Help-Step-14.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-14.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Ask-for-Help-Step-15.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-15.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Ask-for-Help-Step-15.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-15.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

License: Creative Commons<\/a>
\n<\/p>


\n<\/p><\/div>"}. You can say, “I’ve love to ask for your help with something. Continue reading, Discover the best online memorial sites for remembering a loved one... Ask a teacher. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed in general and just want some help. Can you help me again?” Instead, say, “This is complicated, but I know I can do it. Make a habit of offering your time and talents to others. 5. used for saying that two people each do something to help the other. Everyone needs help at some point. “I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I appreciate your time. Talk to a close friend or family about cooking, social support, or getting a specific task done. Asking for help at the office is hard--of course you don't want to look like you're passing the buck, being lazy, or admitting defeat. Say that you can’t figure something out or that you tried something that didn’t work. What can I do to get help? We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish, and check out our cookie policy for more information. References. Trevor June 16th, 2016 at 4:14 PM . Can you take care of that? A Crisis Text Line counselor says, “If you have family who is supportive, consider asking them for help with small tasks, being there to listen if you are feeling stressed, or even for help to take a few hours to yourself. Many communities have organizations that will help individuals in financial crisis. Matthew Alexander Sloane is a writer, artist, and brand strategist. Laurel Schwartz is a Crisis Counselor for Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that has exchanged over 100 million messages with people in crisis around the US. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Because of your close relationship, friends and family are often willing to support you. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Could you cover for me at the meeting this afternoon?” That might imply that you’re busy, but you don’t think your co-worker is. It’s okay to ask for help. Want to come over this weekend and teach me a few easy recipes?”, “I’m supposed to take it easy on my back now, but I have a lot of yard work to do this week. These examples show what to focus on when you approach someone. to ask for something in an urgent or emotional way. Use the following tips to improve your chances of getting a “yes”: Use newsgathering questions to get more specific about what you need to ask. ; Goal - What your desired outcome is. Continue reading. They might suggest different ways of getting assistance or other people to ask. This link will open in a new window. Get support with the planning and technology for a virtual memorial event. Teamwork is essential in both work and school environments. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Show respect. Could you do me a favor? Be respectful of timing, and emphasize the positives of helping you. When Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University and a leading researcher in this area, recently reviewed a group of experiments that she and her coauthors had done, she found that compliance—the rate at which people provided assistance to strangers who asked for it—was an average of 48% higher than the help seekers had expected. If you can loan me some money, I’ll help you around the house or do jobs for people in the neighborhood. DON’T just go up to someone and start venting, even if that’s what you always do and they always seem cool with it. Did you know you can read expert answers for this article? Asking for help at the office is hard--of course you don't want to look like you're passing the buck, being lazy, or admitting defeat. Even if the other person isn’t able to help, they are more likely to reply with kindness. Consider what kind of information you need. Keep in mind you may need to speak to a few different people before you get the help you need. - Who needs help? Finally, when you do receive help, thank those who stepped up in a sincere and specific manner. But learn to ask for help the right way, and you'll not only get what you need, but you'll also look like even more of a team player. Could you come out one day next week so we can pull up the carpet?”, How to ask for help with your mental or physical health, “I don’t feel like getting out of bed, but my doctor said I had to take a walk every day. And it’s about more than just helping you get a task done. I want to know if aid can be given to an individual who finds himself in a financial crisis? Think about your problem and decide what missing part matters the most. Discover the best online memorial sites for remembering a loved one... Facebook. Creative ways to show someone you're thinking of them, Tips for Planning (and Attending) a Funeral Using Zoom, 10 Best Online Memorial Sites: Cost, Features + Reviews, Buyer’s Guide to Gravestones & Markers: Types, Cost + Reviews. If you aren’t sure who could help you, pick someone that may have. But the simple question “Can you help me?” may cause a lot of stress and embarrassment. Instead, say, “I know we’re both busy, but you seem to be handling the stress better than me. Some are writers who want to land a book deal.Others are PR professionals who want me to write about their clients. - Show a willingness to listen and learn from the other person. Is there a time that’s good for you to talk?”. However, your professional contacts can also be a huge benefit—meaning it’s worth it to swallow your pride, send that note, and ask for a little bit of assistance. Don't care what others think. But the truth is, if we can turn “help” around to see it as a positive act, then going for any of the above would actually be an empowering act. You also don’t have to be at some terrible dead-end or crossroad in life only to seek help. Everyone has been in a situation where they could use some help. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Asking for help is easier if you can articulate your needs. We all need help sometimes, but asking for it can feel uncomfortable. Once you’ve found someone who has some distance from your problem, ask for their permission to start spilling your feels. People generally like to see themselves as useful, and are often willing to take action when asked. Ask your loved one to give you the gift of seeking help, whether it’s for your anniversary, a holiday or your kids’ birthdays. Laurel Schwartz is a Crisis Counselor for Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that has exchanged over 100 million messages with people in crisis around the US. Just put a little bit of stress on it to show that you need some help. Why? ”, “We need help cleaning up the basement after it flooded. It’s terrible that I have to ask. Let them know you care with a thoughtful surprise. I ask this because I am in this condition now and I am looking for assistance. Would you mind showing me ____? The more you do it, the easier it gets. How to Ask for Advice Effectively: When you boil down to it, asking for advice involves three key elements: Context - Specific information the reader/listener needs in order to answer your question. If she's nice and kind, then she probably won't mind helping you more than once. That person could also be you. I have three friends and four needs. It’s likely that someone in your life—whether they’re in your meeting, on your basketball team, or in your family—is probably managing a mental illness right now. How can I ask for help again, when this person has helped me more than once before? Laurel received her Master of Social Work from Columbia University in 2019. That social pressure alone drives people to say, “how can I help,” even if they would hesitate for other reasons. Ask for a gift – literally. How you ask for help can vary in different settings. Do you have any free time on/at ____(day, date, time)? Last Updated: November 14, 2019 Be understanding if they decline, and help them brainstorm other ways to help you. That’s something that you can think about and formulate before you actually sit down to ask someone for their help. So go ahead, ask for help more often and see what happens. Or maybe you’re a student struggling with a tough homework assignment. How do I ask for help as a single mother? Asking someone for a job can be intimidating, but asking in a professional and assertive way can impress prospective employers. Sometimes, you may need to reach out to a few people before getting assistance. Don't feel weak, insecure, or embarrassed by asking for help. The word help is regarded as a negative. You will more than likely be directed to groups such as Volunteers of America, Salvation Army, and Catholic Community Services. To ask for something is human; to want something and ask someone else for it requires a connection. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. I’ll never get Algebra. Create a culture where asking for help is encouraged. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. When you help someone out, you often learn a lot more about yourself, your ego and your needs, which is essential to learning how to ask for help to start with. His first book, Tulie’s Garden is a graphic novel about authenticity, vulnerability, and the dark side of being a man—as revealed through his own experience. Ask with the intent of giving help in return, and use your request as a chance to spend time together. If this is your best option, gather your courage and prepare to ask. It can feel uncomfortable to ask for help with physical or mental health issues, especially since it can feel like you don’t seem like you’re “visibly” sick. Maybe you’re traveling alone in a new city. 2. This article was co-authored by Laurel Schwartz, MSW. - If possible, avoid asking for help at the last minute or odd times of the day. For example, "low cost dentists in San Diego, California.". formal to ask for help from someone who is stronger or more powerful, especially a god. you scratch my back (and I’ll scratch yours) phrase. Mom could use some meals delivered to the house. You are doing your best.”. When you want a favor from someone you respect, let the person know that this is why you're coming to her. Do you have time to take my place at the meeting this afternoon so that I can get caught up?”, Try not to say things like, “I’m so stupid. Explain what you have tried already and where you fall short. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, and give yourself credit where credit is due. Here are some ways to ask someone to help you: Would you mind helping me? Say, “That was really helpful of you to get dinner started.”, You could tell your partner, “Thanks for making dinner tonight. What if I'm worried about the fact it may crush a friendship since they have built up the one asking for help and do not want to seem incapable? We use cookies to make wikiHow great. How do I find organizations or individuals to help me? Twitter. I need help creating this document, and I heard you know a lot about it.”, “Hi, I’m in your English class and your Algebra class. - You want to promote empathy from the other person, so show your vulnerability in some way. Once you know what kind of help you need, consider who to ask. Do you know anything about ____? Linked In. You can pick out dessert if you help me put a meal together.”, How to ask for help after a death or tragedy. When Asking Someone You Know Well. Talk to a close friend or family about cooking, social support, or getting a specific task done. Let’s take a look a look at that in action. Because addiction is a disease, medical doctors have training in knowing what to look for and how to proceed when someone needs help. - When do you need help? Let’s look at the ways in which we can say or ask for help.

how to ask someone for help 2021